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August 4, 2009

Ronan's Vocabulary

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As we move from babydom into toddlerhood, Ronan’s vocabulary has exploded recently. He comes up with words that I’m not sure I have ever used with him, meaning he’s listening to us much more closely than I ever imagined. Here’s a few of his favorites (and by that I mean my favorites) with translations:

Big Hug – We don’t have any “small hugs” or “medium hugs” or even just plain “hugs” in our home. They are all big. I realized that most of his books use this expression in a complete sentence. For Ronan, it’s just “Big hug! Big Hug!” usually while we’re heavily occupied with something else. Most popular and rare are the three-family member hugs.

Ostrich – What Old McDonald had on his farm. Terry’s father thankfully found the sound an ostrich makes.

No no no no no no no no no! – I do not want apple juice, only milk. Ronan hardly ever drinks anything but milk.

Plane! – Look! Up in the sky! It’s an airplane!

Done! – I have completed the meal and wish to leave the table. (Accompanied with hand motions that look like an orchestra conductor.)

Read a book! – Let’s read a book together. Usually Richard Scarry’s Big Book of Endless, Never Ending, Perfunctory Lists of Objects.

One Minute! – I require more time (in the bath, in the potty, for window gazing, for play.) Equal to ten to fifteen minutes.

Watch TV, watch TV! – I would like to watch television.

Watch planes, watch planes! – Dad, please surf to airplane videos on your computer.

Itschy, Itschy! – I have an itch.

Beans! – I would like more food. (This is fading fast, if not already gone.) This is because for a while he would eat nothing but beans.

Pleastz! – Please. Accompanied by shaking his head “yes.”

Where did all the people go? – I enjoyed the recent visitors, why did they have to leave?

Leesha! –I miss Mom’s friend Alicia.

Papa T. T.  – My father, Ronan’s grandfather, is named Terry also. (So I’m married to Terry and my father’s name is Terry. They’re both nicknames, so there’s nothing Freudian about that.) For some reason, he decided he wanted Ronan to call him Papa T. T. (which my brother quickly changed to “Pop a Tittie.”) After we all laughed at him, or behind him,it turns out that that was such a great name for Ronan to pronounce, all the grandparents are Papa T. T.; grandmothers too.

You! – Me. As in, when Ronan sees photos of himself, instead of exclaiming, “That’s me!”he yells “You!” And then we say, “Me!” and he says “You!” and then we say “You!” and point to him and Ronan says “You?” and looks a little confused. Thenwe try to explain that me is for yourself and you is for others. And then I take migraine medicine.

“Wake up!” – Usually yelled when I’m deeply asleep and everyone else is up. May include a poke.

“Poke!” – Ronan likes to point out when he pokes people.

More sounds are available at his Soundboard.

August 9, 2009

Dyker's Island



This attractive institution is our local library. Yes, that's barbed wire along the top. It’s actually a nice place, despite looking like a prison. It seems to be a popular gathering place for residents. The library has a great selection of children’s books, and Ronan gets free books for attending reading sessions, where a librarian reads books to him and other children while their parents ignore what’s happening and talk amongst themselves.

The Dyker Library location was selected in a poll of Dyker residents, who wanted it to be where it is in 1968. It opened in 1974, which was a good year to be in the concrete business, because architects loved concrete in 1974, although they had less artistic creativity than, say, the Romans.

However, I have two questions:

1.) Did the Brooklyn Public Library “spruce” this up by committee to make it as absolutely foreboding as possible? Is this the picture they show people who fail to return their books on time? I can just imagine a library cop (if they exist) saying, “If you don’t pay your fines, we’ll send you to Dyker!”



Dyker was designed by Daniel Laitin. All I know about Daniel Laitin is that he was born in 1909 and died in 2008. I’m assuming those are his life dates, since that’s the only Daniel Laitin I could find who died in Brooklyn. I’m assuming he died of embarrassment that the Brooklyn Public Library turned his creation into a prison.

Seriously, what is the point of the barbed wire on the roof? Did someone break into the roof between 1974 and 2008, so BPL got a committee together and they said, “We’ll show ‘em! No one will ever steal library books through our roof again! Razor wire for all!”

The library on the other side of town, which, I grant you, is another story taller, does not have barbed wire. The main branch, which has many stories, has not one strand of barbed wire. So it’s a one-story thing. Perhaps the barbed wire causes intruders to fall onto the wrought-iron fence.

Daniel is either laughing or rolling over in his grave.


2.) What the fuck is up with parents who use story time to talk and conduct business? Do you mind? Could you shut off your phone for the ten minutes the librarian is reading The Snowy Day? Could you not discuss your hairdresser/work/lack of work/etc. and just pretend to pay attention? Is reading time just babysitting time for you?

Please shut up and sit down. I swear to God, I’ll throw you in the barbed wire.

August 28, 2009

Get That Poor Lone-Some Cowboy Outta Here!

I`m a poor lone-some cowboy,
I`m a poor lone-some cowboy,
I`m a poor lone-some cowboy,
And a long way from home.
I ain`t got no brother,
I ain`t got no brother,
I ain`t got no brother,
To ride the range with me.

— Unknown


Terry bought Ronan a great little cowboy doll. Very cute. Very age-appropriate. Very fun, right? Wrong.

Perhaps the delivery method was incorrect. Terry left the cowboy in his crib while he slept, thinking he would play with it. Instead he woke up with a lifeless brother, we guess, who creeped Ronan right the fuck out. Poor lone-some cowboy got tossed and tossed hard as soon as Ronan woke up. Ronan threw his sorry butt right out of the crib, and that cowboy ain't welcome here no more.

Actually, we’ve tried to encourage him to rethink the anti-cowboy animosity by leaving poor lone-some cowboy around to play with, but Ronan just beats him up and throws him out of the way for good measure. Leave poor lone-some cowboy in the toy stroller? Haul his ass out and put in a Metrocard. Yes, that’s what I said, a metrocard. Ronan prefers playing with a metrocard to an actual toy.

Poor lone-some cowboy didn’t have a chance. Perhaps the anti-cowboy thing has to do with Ronan’s love of technology. It’s not surprising that with two highly technological parents (we have more computers than rooms in our apartment) he would be interested in technology. Ronan loves watching plane videos. Since our recent trip to visit the grandparents, he can’t wait to go back to the airport, even if he did get a little scared when the plane home took off. He’s obsessed with planes. Every sighting leads to shouts of “Plane! Plane! See? Right there!!” One night he wouldn’t go to sleep because he was watching the moon, so it could be astronomical as well.

But why hate on the cowboy? That’s a question we will probably never know. Perhaps he was trampled by a steer in a previous life. Perhaps he was left for dead in a hanging, only to live to hunt down those responsible. Perhaps once he lived by the laws of the West and poor lone-some cowboy didn’t.

Or perhaps the cowboy doll is actually a little creepy, and we just can’t see it from the perspective of a two-year-old. Whatever the reason is, that damned cowboy is never going to be welcome on our ranch.

About August 2009

This page contains all entries posted to Freaks & Geeks Parenting in August 2009. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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