I’m really not presentable today. I was up until 5 AM with Ronan, a cranky baby for some reason until he suddenly crashed and was asleep. I think Terry woke up and fed him about thirty minutes later.
My crud has crud on it. I took a shower but it didn’t help. I’m still dirty. That’s when I decided I was a Communist. Or a Capitalist.
Actually, right now I’m in favor of any political system that lets my wife stay at home with me instead of going back to work on Monday. The first four weeks of Ronan’s life were really slow; the last two weeks have flown by. (That could have something to do with the fact that we’re no longer under extreme crisis.) Anyway, I don’t want her to go back to work. I know what you're thinking; some people have no time with their family and someone, either the Mom or the Dad, has to go to work right away. Yes, I know I've been privileged; it's just that I enjoyed it.
Not that I’m not capable of taking care of him or scared or anything. It’s just easier with two people. Here’s a multiple-choice quiz: You’re alone with your baby. He’s upset and fidgety. The doorbell rings. It’s FedEx! What do you do:
1.) Ignore them. They’ll come back tomorrow.
2.) Put the baby down, he cries the whole time you’re getting the package.
3.) Carry the baby to the door and hold him while you sign for the package.
You see the dilemma? You just want to hold your baby, and the world keeps intruding. Hopefully the doorbell is actually FedEx and not the religious recruiters that periodically drop by in Park Slope. Or kidnappers. I digress.
You’re at home with your baby. You’re hungry but he’s fidgety and crying. Do you:
1.) Skip your lunch and hold him.
2.) Put him down and eat while he cries.
3.) Hold him while you eat.
This isn’t as easy as it sounds. You can’t hold him and cook because you don’t want to risk spilling hot food on him. And eating while your baby cries is not a good feeling.
This is why I wish my wife had three months off instead of six weeks. (If she had three months, I would wish she had three years!) You can pick two options on the list instead of one. Sure, this means that we technically eat alone since only one person can eat while the other holds Ronan, but at least you have someone who can hold the baby.
Mostly I will just miss her. Having a newborn certainly can push the envelope in marital bliss (sarcasm) but it’s also the first time, and perhaps the only time, that all three of us will be home together for a long period of time.
Finally, allow me to wax poetic about my wife. She has been amazing during this whole time, a pillar of strength in very trying times. Throughout the whole birthing experience she has maintained grace, beauty, dignity and humility, and she is simply the bravest person I have ever known (and I’ve known people who risk getting shot in front of abortion clinics.) I can’t express in mere words how much I love her and how special she is. She’s a terrific mother and my best friend, and I just want more time with her and Ronan together as a family.
There are already many “last” moments — the last time we’ll buy size 1 diapers, the last time that hat fits Ronan’s head — this is the last weekend we have before our “normal” routine starts again.
I’m excited that Ronan and I have at least the next eighteen months together alone, and it’s not like Terry won’t be home very day, but I love her so much. I wish she could be home with us too.