Freaks & Geeks Parenting

I’ve been challenged by a friend to write some positive things about fatherhood. I thought my writing was positive to begin with, but my sarcastic nature sometimes can be a bit much. So here goes.

Ronan is cute! I know every parent thinks his or her baby is cute, but Ronan is supercute. As part of the cocooning we recently did after the birth, we watched a lot of “A Baby Story” on TLC. Some of the parents agonized about having a cute baby. Apparently the parents of the TLC parents told their children they were ugly babies, so the expectant parents were really worried about their own children. I think that’s terrible. Luckily I don’t have to lie to Ronan; he’s unbelievably cute.

My marriage is strong. Terry and I get along really well. It’s possible that having a child is the crucible of a relationship. (Obviously not the case for everyone.) Not only do you have the added stress of taking care of having the baby, you spend a lot of time together. That’s either great, or really annoying. Possibly it’s both. In our case, we fought, we laughed, and we learned new ways to communicate and to trust each other. Honestly, and I’m sure she’ll pull this statement as soon as she reads it, but I never really felt my wife depended on me for anything; she is so strong, she doesn’t need my help. With Ronan’s birth, I realized that I was wrong. She’s still the strongest person I’ve ever known. But she needs me as much as I need her, and that’s more egalitarian and wonderful than I can express in mere words.

I’m capable of taking care of Ronan on my own! I wasn’t too worried about the nuts and bolts of baby care. I’ve changed diapers before, and being covered in human vomit and feces (okay, not covered) doesn’t bother me. But when I was a babysitter, I was very happy to turn the kid over to someone else and go home. I was worried that I wouldn’t hack it day in and day out. It’s totally different as a parent. My patience is so infinite. Ronan cries, or spits up, or whatever, and it’s not a big deal. It’s actually a pleasure to be with him all day long. I’m relieved that I don’t get frustrated. Controlling my anger was my biggest fear as a father.

My support network is growing. Right now I feel comfortable calling my brother in an emergency and maybe one or two other friends. In a real emergency I could call Terry’s parents or my parents and they would come as soon as they could book a flight. However, my brother doesn’t have a kid and he’s working on his career right now. So it’s different to call him because he doesn’t always understand where I’m coming from. We’re meeting new parents in the neighborhood, there’s a fathers’ group starting, and that makes me feel more confident about making friends who understand what’s happening to me at the same time it’s happening to them.

Ronan’s favorite place to sleep is on my chest. Terry is great at calming him down, but within a few minutes of being held, he falls asleep in my arms. (This assumes he’s changed, a comfortable temperature and has been fed recently.) I don’t what it is about me, but he really enjoys it. (The flip side is that he wakes up if I put him down, because he prefers me to the crib.) I enjoy it too, even if I’m up until the wee hours of the morning with him. After all, he’s my career now.

So, that’s not all the positive things about being a father; I’ll add to the list from time to time. In short, I’m really really, happy about having Ronan, and every time I look at him, I think about how amazing it all is.